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All News Entries , Show 5
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12/1/2008
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I posted an essay I wrote last year. It's about Drugs, Sex, and Rock and Roll. Frankly, you can't lose. Besides, I managed to draw wonderful themes between Bowie, Lou Reed, and the Sex Pistols. I know, I know, it's not very hard.
--Jeff
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November 4th, 2008
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I've launched my new site for my folk career: The Jeff Kessler Experience. It might take a few days for the domain info to be updated, but it'll be up soon. In the meantime: Shonic Mirror/
--Jeff
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November 4th, 2008
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Stephan... how could I possibly remove an article? You should cherish everything on this site. It's your past. It's delicious. And if someone is going to hold a grudge against you for your past, they're probably not worth knowing ;p.
--Jeff
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How do I remove an article? Apparantly someone finds something I wrote from like 3 years ago upsetting? In fact Jeff when in two months you come to this site can you remove the college article by me. It is shitty anyways
--Stephon
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7/13/2008
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There, I provided a weak update to the inaccurately named "Reviews" section. It's a paper that I wrote that I find to be quite fun.
Link!
--Jeff
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6/14/08
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I may start this "bloggery" again. Seriously.
--Jeff
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03/30/2008
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New motch watch is up ding
--
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03/25/08
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New stuff coming, I know I know you're probably itching for it like fresh cut grass just be patient I have arrived from the ashes.
--Motch
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June 30th, 2007
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Motch is apparently starting to update the site again! It's only a matter of time before it's alive and well! Yay!
--Jeff
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2-14-07
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How y'all doin'?
--Wobbles
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January 21
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So feeling like shit and extremley hungry and tired and hung over I went undefeated at the pre-release and won 25 packs completley randomly.
--Stephon
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November 11th, 2006
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I totall still check this site... and post updates. Sometimes.
--Jeff
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November 1, 2006
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Just as a matter of curiosity, I want anyone who reads this to email me at zspin5969@hotmail.com and say hi because I have a feeling that Jeff doesn't even look at this site anymore.
--Natals
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July 15th, 2006
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Jason doesn't write for this site.... waaaaiiit a minute. Is that the first time he's posted on here in forever? I do believe it is!!!
Expect updates, maybe.
--Jeff
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Hell has just frozen over. (July 10th, 2006)
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Proving that things that shouldn't fly can when necessary, I have submitted a review of the feel-good summer blockbuster Akeelah and the Bee for your perusal. Have fun!
--Jason
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Summerish
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Thanks Stephon for the Boston Legal. People should watch any of the HBO dramas ( 6ft under, deadwood, carnivale) if they have a chance. If anyone needs me, I'll be in La Crosse
--Wobbles
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Jun 20th, 2006
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Avast! I've been stuck in the bowels of Rhode Island since early may and I have been without a computer (kinda). Anyway, I'm getting a suave computer come thursday and shall maybe make updates to this site of deliciousness. I'm sure no one cares, but I do continue to get hits to this site.
--Jeff
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04/18/06
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Wohh! I posted another update.. sortta! Basically, I randomly found a really long post I made on teenhelp back int he days of absurdity... I figure it's a better update than the excitedly anticipated conclusion to the Teenagers fucking suck series. Update
--Jeff
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April 06th, 2006
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Finally, an update! After waking up from a nap and not wishing to do anything productive I decided to write up a delicious story involving Jimmy John's and food sabotage!
A real update!
--Jeff
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Mar 22nd, 2006
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In recent news: I'm fucking giddy! I got a job at Amgen for the summer. *feeling hot hot hot* Anyways...
Yeah, it's pretty much me... especially when playing normal scene it!
--Jeff
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march 15th
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Jesus Jeff that is the first update by you in 9 months, I expect more than a comic. WHERE IS THE EXCITING CONCLUSION TO TEENAGERS FUCKING SUCK!
--Stephon "the hypocrite for not updating himself"
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March 13th, 2006
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I finally made an update. A weak one, I know.. but, well, my fans really don't demand much from me. W00t!
--Jeff
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Mar. 1st, 2006
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I really don't know why this site still gets as many hits as it does. It's most definitely 100% crazy! I might update it eventually.. I have no good stories... I can probably make something up.
--Jeff
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Uhh, feb 21st, 2006
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That man was you! Wasn't it?
--Jeff
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Febuary 20th
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Yeah so someone around my school posted an advertisment that say "Mr. pibb and red vines = crazy delicious. Come to the Montag Center (our little campus convience store) and buy Mr. Pibb and Red Vines for only 99 cents". Unfornuetly this is not a real promotion and someone just printed off hundreds of these fake adds and hung them around campus. I love that man.
--Stephon "grexin made me sad with its lack of updates"
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Same day as the previous post
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Dr. Pepper + Red Vines = Crazy Delicious!
--Jeff
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Christmas Day! At Night
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--Jeff
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if you can't spot the typo on grexin within the first 30 seconds, then you are the typo
--Stephon
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November 13th
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If you can't spot the sukcer within the first half hour at the table then you are the sucker.
--Jeff
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September 28th
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Holy fucking shit. I haven't posted anything in eons. Maybe I'll work on an article later today. God... wtfuck?
--Jeff
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august 27
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yeah so it has been 2 months since any real updating so I decided to write a crappy article to let you guys know what life is like at wacky Willamette.
--Stephon
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Now, Now Now!
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Well I finally moved in so excpect an article and the hits to go sky high when I force the whole school to read this site.
--Stephon "not Jason" the curly haired menace
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08/23/05
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Yeah, college has started and there haven't been any updates to the site in a month. God dammit. Maybe I should get around to updating it some day. The hits have definitely dropped off.
--Jeff
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Aug 7th
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http://webcest.ytmnd.com, 890 hits and counting
--wobbles
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07/29/05
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Yeah yeah, the teen help article will come eventually. But for now, this will have to do.
--Jeff
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07/20/05
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Back from Hell, mate. I'll get around to writing part 3 of my TH series in a few days. Yay!! One article a month. Hah!
--Jeff
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July 9th, 2005
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Maddox's new Article is strangely awesome. Especially when you realize that it's strangely ironic. I'd have to say it's the best article he's posted since the PETA saga.
--Jeff
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July 3rd, 2005
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So, this site gets around 25ish hits per day. I pretty much know where 4 of the hits come from, but am entirely unsure of the other 20. Please, for the love of god... E-mail me so that I may find out who actually goes to this site and why. WHY? For the love of god, WHY?
--Jeff
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alban2k4Evaaaaa
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Well my laptop came a day early! HOOOORAY!
--Stephon
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June 27th, 2005
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ARGH! Well, you know me... I produce articles like clockwork. Better than clockwork. And my adoring fans will no doubt be pleased with my newest article. Of course, you were already expecting it.
And oh yes, they still fucking suck.
--Jeff
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June 10th
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G-G-GONE to phily to kick some serious debating ass. I will be back on the 18th and the 19th is my b-day prepare for serious partying and if you are reading this you are invited. Make sure to flame steveiranbiatch! while I'm gone.
--Stephon
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June 8th, 2009
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Do they even air Tough Crowd any more? If the answer is no I'm going to have to FLIP OUT and BAKE SOMEONE COOKIES.
--Jason
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June 8th
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Why don't you try not sucking Natals? If you are going to post something at least put some flames or something interesting in it, JESUS. If I were I ninja I would SO completley FLIP OUT and kill you. On a sidenote somebody was telling me recently that music doesn't have the ability to make someone a murderer. I have to disagree because for me listening to Evanescence makes me want to kill Evanescence.
--Stephon
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June 8, 2005
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It's one o'clock in the morning. Jeff died today. Actually yesterday, since it is one o'clock in the morning. R.I.P.
--Natals
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May 23rd, 2005
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Stephan commented on the lack of any real updates to the site in forever. I began to ponder this and decided I really should write something. All my dedicated fans love to read this stuff, right? Right. So, I've begun my multi-part saga of my journeys through TeenHelp.org. I really have no idea how the first part sounds. I should assume that it sucks as I wrote it at 2:00 and definitely thought it seemed to be lacking in quality and cohesiveness.
Anyways, additional parts will be added after this week. Maybe. Until the next part, enjoy Part 1
--Jeff
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April 30th, 2005
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We have officially hit AP week! What does this mean? It means that school is pretty much over and perhaps I'll get around to getting AsianSweathshop fully operational and maybe getting around to updating this site. Oh my fucking deity! Yes! Updates. Ha ha! I don't know what I shall write. I figure it won't matter as no one will read it anyways. Fuck yeah.
--Jeff
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April 12th, 2005
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So, I told davie to read the hacker manifesto as he seemed to not have read it before. So, a quick 30 seconds of googling, and I've decided it would be best if I just posted it here.
OOO! Delicious!
--Jeff
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April 10th, 2005
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OH MY FUCKING DEITY! We got a snow day! Those things are rare. Fucking rare. So rare most people don't even know they exist. But, well. We got one.
--Jeff
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Never
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Natals is back!!! Get ready for action. Not really though.
--Natals
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Ungh
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Curse the ways. My news script is such a complete bitch to program. I think I'm getting depressed because I look at the overly sexifying user interface of CuteNews and am determined to make something as hot. However, I really don't want to spend the time to make something as hot. Also, my news script is lacking in some awesome features that the cute script has. Awesome features that I will never use. Damned. Oh, I guess cute is soo sexifying because there's a fucking team of programming staff and it's built to be modded by hundreds with all the suave include files. Where as mine is made to be stand alone and never modified (well, a suave function can be added or others can be altered). Damn the ways of the Cute!! It is indeed. Curses.
Anyways, my scripting is mostly done despite my best efforts to never finish it. Ughh, even thinking of it now makes me not want to continue coding it. UGHH. *ends rant*
--Jeff
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DOGG'S TURISMO 3
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As excited as I want to be about this new Hitchhiker's movie, the preview screening buzz is not favorable. Let's hope to be pleasantly surprised, huh?
--Jason, soon to be Fuckpuppet
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March 22nd, 2005
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Oi! Slag! Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy comes out in only a month, or so. Isn't everyone savagely excited? I know I am. New article will be on the site in a bit. Hot damn.
--Jeff
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March the 1billionth, 2005
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That was the best article you have ever written, master Stephan. Fuck, with articles like that, you'll definitely get an admin spot when the new news system comes rolling into grexin. Yes, that's right. You'll be a god and Jason will have the user level of "fuck puppet" I feel that it is more than fitting. MORE THAN FITTING,, --,,;
Punked. I mentioned that I would be riding my bike to school. Turns out that in order to ride such vehicals you need to get a locking system. In Russia, the bike steals you, not the other way. Needless to say, I don't have a lock. Not Righteous. So, I've been destroying the environment 28 fold! I'll kill you GV2! KILL YOU!
So, the news system programming is going mighty alright... I've reached the point where I take one look at it and never want to program again. I figure because I'm at this point it'll be another 28 months before I move the dead line. It works for Microsoft.
--Jeff
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Monday, twas my lucky bunday you know what I mean
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new article! Although I am pretty sure it is what the spanish call el terrible'
--Stephon
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March 8th, 2005
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Well, I haven't updated the site in multiple eons. Most vicious. My car, it turns out, is only restricted from the school's parking lot for abooot 10 days. That's 10 days which I do not look forward to. Being the lazy American that I am I am not one to like the idea of being forced to walk from GV2 to my local class. As such, I've decided to work like a supple sweede and will now ride my bike to school. Maybe.
--Jeff
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02/11/04
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I respect Ebert's opinion though. He is almost always right. Sometimes I don't agree with him as he basses many of his criticisms not truly on the way in which the movie was directed, but rather story elements. This can be seen in his "A Clockwork Orange" review. Concluson: Ebert should always be respected as he is mostly always right.
--Jeff
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Thursday
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Man Jeff I love the fact that you are a massive hypocrite. According to your logic because you have taken a college level music class and Jason hasn't his opinions on music don't matter because you are an "expert". However I ask you how many college level film classes have you taken? I will give you a hint less than Roger Ebert thus by your own logic you have no right disagreeing with Ebert because he is an expert and you are not.
--Stephon
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bah
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Aside from the fact that he really didn't revolutionize anything in the music industry. There are thousands of other artists that are seldomly recognized or as highly acclaimed as Hendrix who have been infinitely more influential. However, I do not see people contiually bantering on about them. Hendrix's music was mediocre and aside from his acid spree, he made very few contributions to music. As such, he is hardly more than mediocre.
--Jeff
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FEBRUARY NOW
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His composition skills don't matter. It's the trails that he blazed in the world of rock 'n roll and the trends he started that made him noteworthy. Check legacy in that wikipedia article, suckah.
--Jason
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zztop
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Jason, your automobile simile has no relation what so ever. Music theory is the study of what makes "good" composition. And therefore, that does allow me to determine if something has merit or not. And as far as I'm concerned, Hendrix's music lacks in what one would call "good composition."
--Jeff
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2-7
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Please Jason. This is like an AP Auto Repair class. There is a difference. And it makes Jeff a better judge then these guys. Honk Honk
--Wobbles
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February 5th
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What you just did was akin to suggesting that taking a course in automobile maintenance gives you the skills necessary to become a professional Formula One driver.
--Jason
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Yeah
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Really? I was under the impression that it did. You know, you kind of uhh.. study the history, theory, and general progression of the times. Perhaps if you had any idea about it, you would realize that I am entirely right. But, oh, yeah. You're pathetic.
--Jeff
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February 5th
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Y'know, that music theory card of yours is getting mighty tiresome. Just because you understand music theory doesn't give you an appreciation of music or music history, kiddo.
--Jason
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Doesn't matter
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Apparently Jason is unable to detect Sarcasm. But that's okay. The more children that die, the better. And hendrix is a completely mediocre guitar player, and I stand by it. His chord progressions are mostly basic and truly not that great. I'm sure if any of you actually had the faintest idea about music you would realize this. But, of course, none of you have taken music theory. So perhaps you should die.
--Jeff
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Now, not later.
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Seriously Jeff. Stop talking. Every time you say something like "Black men don't drum/play piano" an angel loses its wings, falls to earth and crushes an orphanage killing everyone inside.
--Jason
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Forever
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Hey I am not the one who said "Jimmy Hendrix was a mediocre guitar player".
--Stephon
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Feb. 5th, twenty oh five
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Stephan, that was entirely terrible. Here I am working long into the hours of the night writing some sort of Napoleon Dynamite review, and you're releasing shit like that bad ass thing. You aren't even a bad ass!
Fuck, the article was loaded with incoherence. Leave the incoherence on pirate stalin. Better yet, go shit some Prime Numbers
--Jeff
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Febuary 2ndx0r
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So I actually posted something which is frankly shocking. If only it didn't suck like all my other articles... Hey it least I am not Natals. ZING!
--Stephon
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January 27th, 2005
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Blogs + Google are your friend, Jeff.
--Jason
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January 26th, 2005
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Duncan is an awesome link master. My god. It makes me wonder what he's busy learning at college if he still has the ability to regularly post links of high quality. Quite amazing.
--Jeff
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Jan 26th
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Jeff's post reminded me of a quality link of excellently remixed presidential speeches. The MP3s are here. So real extreme audio editing, or an impersonator? Who can say? Oh, and here is more remixed 80's antidrug messages. Dig the social comentary set to a disjointed and obnoxious beat. Awesome. Honk!
--Wobbles the Goose
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January 21, 2005
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I was idling in Music Theory the other day when randomly, i decided to wittily utilize the catch paradoy from the Regan administration, "Nancy and I are hooked on Heroin." Naturally, I got a few weird looks, and no one seemed to have any idea what I was refering to. What's new?
After spending a few minutes googling, I was quickly able to obtain the altered sound clip, and share with this generation one of the suavest pieces of editing ever done to a public speech. Of course, no one knows shit about politics and the speech will thus seem less awesome. Forgive the decreased quality at the end.
Excerpt from original speech:
Usually, I talk with you from my office in the West Wing of the White House. But tonight there's something special to talk about, and I've asked someone very special to join me. Nancy and I are here in the West Hall of the White House, and around us are the rooms in which we live. It's the home you've provided for us, of which we merely have temporary custody.
On the campaign against drug abuse
--Jeff
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Jan 21ish
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To you, I give the gift of music: http://mp3blogs.org. Honk!
--Wobbles, the goose
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01/20/05
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There hasn't been an update in many an age. As such, I felt it was necessary that I post something. Enjoy! I know that Jason has. Several times.
--Jeff
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1/11/05
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So, I was doing what I normally do on normal week days. Of course, idling. Well, naturally, you would expect no less from me. In my course of idling, I came across possibly the coolest thing ever made by man.
Anyways, the art was made by Kieron Dwyer and I mised it off of Illegal Art.org
--Jeff
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January 7th, 2005. Or so.
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Well, sometimes you just have one of those days filled with Gut splattering violence.
On the other hand, if you do. You probably are working for the devil.
You're not Harry Potter. Quit pretending to be. Yes, just because you have that scar on your face and wear overly thick glasses and have crazed magical powers. Fucking Muggle.
--Jeff
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12/29/2004
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I just ate some pie! Blueberry pie. I orderd the blueberry pie to go with my blueberry pancakes. It was delicious! You know what they say... Pie is Tasty!
--Jeff
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Umm, some time within the current state of being. Perhaps Christmas 2017
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And then, quite suddenly, from out of the dark abyss, came a beast that no one ever expected. With a savage pounce and an ear shattering roar, the lion pounced (and feasted, for that matter), upon your delicious brain. I must admit, I enjoyed it much.
Now, with under 15 minutes left before, well, something happens. Probably before some random person becomes a father. That's right, a father on Christmas day (maybe).
Without futher rambling, I bring you: YUMMY!!
--Jeff
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12/17/2004
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Yummy, Yumm, Yummy, I've got PTQ in my tummy... and I feel the way you were goooin.... I picked you up on my TV screen... 'cause I'm a teenage labotomy!!!
What a savage butchering o' a bunch of songs. Of course, it's almost as awesome a combination as Slow Children at Play!
--Jeff
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December 12
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What was the Stalin movie rated... ARRRRRRRR
--Pirate Stalin
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December 8th, 2004
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So, I just realized it has been a REALLY long time since last I updated. CAhrazee. So, anyways... I plan to do a massive site overhaul in a few months. Like... maybe when I'm done with this bloody College essay.
Anyways, I think I'll turn this into some sort of witty blogg... people some to love those. Maybe not. But I love my Tim Rogers, his blogging == the awesome (ha ha hha! No THE NUTS!! Pwned.)
So, I'm heading out to a crazy Engineer Science Fair tomorrow, I guess that means I shan't be at school! MISEEEE!!
--Jeff
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11/27/04
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You can't spell Chloe without shut the fuck up.
--Jeff
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November 18th
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I am leaving for the Glenbrooks tourney in Chicago tommorow. I gaurantee victory in this tournament. Second is not an option. Sure there will be hundreds of people but if it worked for Motch it can work for me.
--Stephon
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11/11/04
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Oi! Mush! And many good meals to yee, young integral!!
--Jeff
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Novemeber 10th
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Well Jeff you finnally put me on the staff page. However you did spell my last name wrong (two t's boy oh) Oh and if you want to send me hate mail (and honestly who doesn't?) send it to hailesallse@hotmail.com.
--Stephon
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Sometime
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D00d I posted a random Jeff article I found. Now shoot me... in the HEAD!
--Stephon
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FOREVER
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Dave Rodger singing about how much he loves tokyo is a classic picture that will keep you warm on cold days. When you need some help look no farther than this picture. 
--Who do you think it is posted by??
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Novermber 1st, 2004
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Yeah, so... I've been busy. Anyways, I found some time to bitch about new stuff. Deffinately savage. Mise!
--Jeff
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OCTOBER! 2004!
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Terrifying. By the way, what do affirmative action & flat taxation have to do with the Patriot Act? I mean, seriously, that was one random essay. Bush rules -> Patriot Act is necessary -> Affirmative action -> Flat taxation -> Clearly, the Patriot Act is great, liberals suck according to these facts which I'm not going to elaborate on or link to. Oh, and here's a random analogy. It's got car accidents, so you know I have first-hand experience.
--Jason AKA Now #1 on Motch's "to kill" list.
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October 31, 2004
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Happy Halloween all. As a scary treat.. I posted a motch article on Bush. I'm scared.
--Jeff
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NOW
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Best article ever, Stephon.
--Jason
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October 28
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Well I pwnzerd that n00bersc00ber Jeff and his liberal beliefs. GO STALIN GO!
--Stephon
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10/27/04
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Um, yeah. So, with the elections coming up people have been arguing about votng for Bush over Kerry. Then, the general question, "what has bush done wrong?" comes up. To this, I have one response: the Patriot Act. YUMMY!! I want some cookies!
--Jeff
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Well then, I have no idea
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Umm, apparently my post just below this is wrong. We're not on spring break, we're on fall break. Oh god!! What has the world come to?
--Jeff
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October 26
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States, ughhh new article
--Stephon
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10/25/04
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So, we're all on spring break at the current moment. And as there haven't been any posts in a while, I decided it'd be a good time to at least update the news section.
So, I was sorting through random albums of photos when I found my wonderfully delicious Snow Beast in her early days of puppy life.
Share and enjoy.
--Jeff
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10/04/2004
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So, I added something. Yeah, just an essay... Oh well, perhaps it will suffice.
--Jeff
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September 20th
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New article check it out biatch! It claims to be about the pre release but really isn't!!
--Stephon
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Sep 19th
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Honk! Honk!
--Wobbles the goose
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September 13
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Well I posted a new article and ugh these school computers sux0r on a side note I have more bullets than you have friends.
--Stephon
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09/04/2004
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Right, so, the source has moved domains. http://mtgthesource.com is now where the forums can be located. Please update your bookmarks.
--Jeff
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September 1st 2004
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So, anyone who is unaware... T1.5 was completely destroyed, as we know it. So, I'm really not sure what to do with the source at the current, and a lot of changes are going to be happening. Just stay tuned.
--Jeff
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umm.. August 28th? Maybe..
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So.. was bored and started googling around and came across the older Lindsey Lohan Skit for SNL... Man is it the shite. So.. I uplodaed it to my sizzite Yay!! Right click and save target as... Please don't stream it. As my site doesn't support savvy bandwidth, you can ftp to ftp://public1.ftp.mugglenet.com:9000/snl/snl_may2004_qt.zip to get it.
--Jeff
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08/14/04
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So, the domain name expired and I had to go ahead and renew it. I assume those were Davie's wishes, but... hum. So uh, yeah.. he owes me some money when he gets back from vacation, potentially.
--Jeff
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08/13/2004
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Umm. No. He's 3rd in the Denver/Boulder/Greeley area. However, he is most def. 6th in the state at the current until they update their stuff. Here ya go.
--Jeff
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8/12
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D00d jeff I went to your lnk and motch was 3rd. He is now even less of a n00bersc00ber.
--Stephon
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08/11/04
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So, if Motch's amazingness at the GP wasn't enough.. Here's some even suaver shit.. How's this? Rank 6 in our state. The Attactix scrub has gone pro on us =(
--Jeff
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August 5th, 2004
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In regards to Noble's new blog: Why are you using AOL Journals instead of LiveJournal or Blogger or some other non-horrible blog service? Just wondering.
--Jason
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8/3/04
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Greetings from camp! I will be back on the 9th if you were wondering which I am sure you weren't. Anways it turns out that Tanner got written up on nationals coverage for essentially stealing a kids deck then selling it back to him. Oh Tanner!
--Stephon
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Eh, sometime?
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So, there's this random site which acts as a middle man and gives away free stuff. There are varyings sites that have proof of it. Well, if you want to give it a shot at Getting a FREE LCD Monitor then go for it!
--Jeff
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July 27th, 2004
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So, I was talking with Christopher, and well, anyways, I made a new Toltz comic. Yay!! Toltz Meh!
--Jeff
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Monday July 26, 2004
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So, for some reason Noble decided to start an online journal here. I am not responsible for any injury sustained from clicking this link.
--Natals
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25th of Hell!!
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So, it's quite awesome that motch pwnedx0red it up like that. I was pleased with his performance. We can only assume when he gets back he'll say something like, "It was pretty pimp until I lost."
--Jeff
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July 19
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I posted a day in the life of me at Jew Camp
--Stephon
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July 11th, 2004
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Par-a-dox
n.- Ali Toltz
- A Seemingly Contradictory Statement
Paradoxical
adj.- Of the nature of a paradox
Alidox
adj.- of the Nature of being Ali Toltz
--Jeff
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07/08/2004
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Well, honestly, I wouldn't get too excited if I were you either. I mean, it just signifies that you're one year closser to your death day. Which may or may not be in 24 hours.
--Jeff
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Thursday July 8, 2004
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Its my birthday, but don't get too excited. I know I'm not.
--Natals
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late at night
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So I added a crappy article basiclly because I felt a morale obligation to post something.
--Stephon
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June SWEET 2004
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Awesome, welcome back Stephan. Now for me to get back to doing nothing.
--Jason
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June 27
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Well I'm back and I see no one has posted anything. Well guess I will have to be the first, but that is for tommorow because today I am extremley tired.
--Stephon
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June 11th
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Well I am leaving for Utah tommorow morning and then Hawaii after that. See you n00bersc00bers in 2 weeks.
--Stephon
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Sometime
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Right, new article. Tech!
--Jeff
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Umm, the 7th of June
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So, apparently my Savvy Health teacher wasn't appreciative of my site. Curses!! Alas.
If I had to compile a list of the top 10 reasons why Natals should be removed from the staff... I'd compile it. But as I don't, I won't.
And there was much rejoicing.
--Jeff
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June 2, 2004
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I'm fightin' the urge to turn this into online soap opera badness, but no, I don't hate you Natals. Your writing is just banal & uninteresting. You know how to write, but have nothing to write about. By comparison, Stephan, while having a comparatively poor grip on sentence structure and punctuation, at least has some interesting topics to write about, and is funny, to boot. There's no easy fix for this Natals, but I'd recommend a hefty-dose of awesomeness, or at least indie pop-culture.
--Jason
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June 2
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We don't hate you Natals you are just our whipping boy because your writing is not great, but hey it has less spelling and gramatical mistakes then mine. In conclusion Natals we don't really hate you, but yes we kind of do.
--Stephon
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June 1, 2004
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Everyone here hates me, don't you? Dont bother answering that Jason.
--Natals
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June 1st, 2004, or something
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So, there is a new Motch Watch report. That lazy bum finally got around to writing one. Savage! Motch Me!
--Jeff
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May 29th 2004
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So, I got bored and added the crafty roll over stuff that seems to be all the rage.
--Jeff
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may 28
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Well Congratulations on graduating Duncan. Because of this awesome occassion I posted an article about the most awesome music.
--Stephon
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05/25/04
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So, I was randomly browsing the internet during my numerous off periods.. and came across this: Savagely FUNNY!
--Jeff
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May 24th, 2004
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I put up my Fifth-Dawn prerelase report, copied and pasted from my LiveJournal with as little editing as possible. R U Enjoi? Yes!
--Jason
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5/24
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I posted random massive article about the pre release and all things related. Read them in order or be liquidated.
--Stephon
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May 23, 2004
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I posted an Article by John Markoff. Go read it!
--Jeff
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May 21, 2004
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Bet you didn't know I could post, did ya? Well I can. But I probably won't. At least not here, what with the profanity, angry comics and the type 1.5 stuff. Maybe here if I feel unusually inspired. Makes me wonder a victory for who?
--Mysterious, Furious D
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May 12th, 1988
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So, I finally, as scary as it may sound, decided to post a new article. WOHHH. I must say this was just random filler, but who knows. I think some people might find it amusing.
Nathan's Life! How Savage!
--Jeff
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May 11, 2004
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Thanks a lot Stephan! Something that Natals could reflect upon is how Stephan's articles, despite being almost completely incomprehensible due to spelling & punctuation errors, are still far more enjoyable to read anyway. How? While I would like to say "we may never know", that's a lie. The answer is "I may never know". I'm sure there's someone else out there who has the answer, but that person is not talking. Anyway good work Stephan.
--Jason
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5/11/04
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I posted a review of Ultra Golf basicly for David and Jason. No one else will get the jokes, but hey no one comes here to read the articles anyways.
--Stephon
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No Idea. May ish??
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So, apparently I don't post anything. How wonderful! Sorry, but if I had some witty stuff to post, I would. Sorry Brittany.
--Jeff
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4/27/04
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hey I got internet now so I posted a crappy artcle. Can't ne as bad as Natles.
--Stephon
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April 23rd 2004
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I posted Seany's Fight Club essay from the early classes of Bradley. It is most possibly entirely rockage.
--Jeff
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April 16, 2004
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Y'know what? That discussion really doesn't stand too well on its own. Why did you post it in the first place, Natals? Note: I know that you're just following in the wake of the ribald recycle-bin letter. Just so you know.
--Jason
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April 17, 2004
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So, I added part of an old AIM conversation to the articles section. It's funny, so read it.
--Natals
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I am truly disturbed by that letter! It ranks up on the list with Jander's story and Diablos imagining Glow bending over in a thong. Props to Lyssie or whatever her name is for one of the best pieces of gossip EvAr.
--
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April 10th, the year is twenty oh four
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Whaz with this... Suddenly I post new content and my hits go up. CRAZEEEE!!
On a scale of 1 to 10, this is most, absolutely, maybe probable, that hits are savage! AH ha!
Mote it be!
--Jeff
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April 8th, 2004
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So, Shihan gave me one fucked up letter to post on the site. I have done so. May you enjoy it savagely.
One fucked up letter
--Jeff
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April 6, 2004
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Maybe I'll post an article in the next few days, if Harry Potter ever fills me in on the details of the story of Mr. McRibbits.
--Natals
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April THizzird 2004
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Wow, there has been a great lack of updating or anything. Sorry about that, but nothing has been happening, apparently. On a lighter note.... DROP DEAD.
--Jeff
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February 3rd, 2004
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The hell you want from me, boyo? Don't answer that, I already know. You'll get an article when you least expect it.
--Jason
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Eh.. WHenever
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So, I posted another thing of Natals. It again is not very good. Maybe he'll get better though? At least he is contributing, which is more than I can say about that Jason!! JASONNNNNNNNNN!!!!!
--Jeff
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January 29th, 2004
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If by "laugh" you mean "cry, then realize that your arms, out of their own volition, have stabbed you repeatedly in various vital organs with a cake-mix encrusted egg beater", then yes, you'd be correct Natals.
--Jason
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January 28, 2004
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For some reason I felt like posting a short story I wrote for my 9th grade english class. It probably sucks, but perhaps you'll get a laugh out of its stupidity.
--Natals
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1/27/04...Congragulations to Me
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Well, I think that I won because of the sheer volume of my works. Truly, the Peach Fuzzy Navels helped the creative process. I shall now enjoy my trip to Hawaii. Thank you everyone. I must give a shout out to my peeps! JimP, JayP, and Nick. And of course, I could not have done this without my mom and dad. Rotten loves you! I'd also like to thank Biggy and Tupac. They were true poets who were simply too good for this world. Next I'd like to thank my manager... (cut off music plays)
--Peter_Rotten
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No Idea
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peter_rotten has won the story contest I offered on my forum to gain modship for the main site. He will be posting (hopefully) soon, and we can only expect tremendous joy from the quality of articles and such that he will bring to this site.
--Jeff
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01/24/04
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So.. I'm no longer Hyper, and must get up in a few hours for prerelease mad trading tech. I posted my Fight Club essay. Some people might enjoy it.. maybe not. It is a bit old, oh well.
--Jeff
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January 23rd, 2004
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Jeff slips further and further across the slippery slope of total insanity. News at 11.
--Jason
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AH HHAHHAHA SOME DAY!~!!!!!
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Well, good news!!! David has agreed to start posting his Sister's Diary in XML format. For those of you who have no idea what that means, I have done a most morbid and pathetic summary below!!!!
Maybe not! HAH! But the anticipation will kill you!!!!
Mocha === SOME GOOD!!!! Drink them by the galon!! they be highly caffinated and such!! TASTY!!!
--Jeff
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January 20th, 2003
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So, there is this ultra fun and amusing site that exists. I know I had mad fun for a few hours with it: Try 2 Hack
Go check the site out some time, it's beaucoup d'amusant!
--Jeff
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January 18th?, 2003
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Well, wuv.org appears to be down. There are now guesses as to when it may resume operation. Not like anyone cares anyhow.
--Jeff
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January 17th, 2003
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Motch wrote two more tournament reports. Go check them out. Also, for those whom are keen observers, you may notice hit counters on motch's reports. They're so sexy!
--Jeff
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January 14th, 2003
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I made a new color scheme, yay!
--Jeff
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January 5th, 2003
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Now, some of you I am sure are like, "Wt Fuck is up with this fool, he promised a site change." Well, I did indeed, and you will get it. But that will come when the site reache 2000 hits. Also, I am accepting oppinions on colouring and such. So..... send me an e-mail with what you want the site to look like etc. w00t w00t w00t. Um, yeah, sorry, no form for sending e-mails will have to manually send them, too bad!
Turn away, turn away, there is nothing to do. Is there anyone here who will rescue the man? blah blah blah
--Jeff
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December 14th, 2003
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I added another Motch Tournament report. He did poorly, at least he learned something? Maybe.
--Jeff
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No Idea, December?
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Well, be ready for a site change coming in the later bit of December. New lay0utz r0x0r
--Jeff
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December 01, 2003
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Just because some people haven't seen this quote before, I don't know why, well, here it is... Greatest Quote Ever:
TAMPO??!? U WANT T3MPO?!?!? LOL HOW ABOUT I BRS3RK MAH 2G1!1!1 WTF LOL TAHTS GUSH BOYS!1!!11!!1
--Jeff
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November 30th, 2003
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I added a l337 Hit Counter. Unfortunately, it only tracks on this page.. meaning the forum doesn't get tracked. Ah, too bad, that prolly gets 500hits +/day. Whatever
--Jeff
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November 28th, 2003
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So, I added Natal's tournament report from attactix. Results were as expected. Well, I guess when I'm the only one in our area who actually plays t1 fairly competitively, your decks just win.
--Jeff
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November 26th, 2003
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A new article? By me, no less? Go check it out with all speed, now!
--Jason
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November 10th, 2003
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I posted a new article, YAY!!!
--Jeff
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October 27, 2003
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So, I got the Motch Watch up and running. It has his report from states on it. I expect to make the Motch Watch section better, eventually.
--Jeff
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October 19, 2003
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With the addition of The Source Forums to this brillant site, I'll mostly be posting in the Type 2 section, but dont worry, I'll try to put a few artucles/reviews up to annoy all of you.
--Andrew
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October Somethingth, 2003
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Well, Motch will be playing at some events this week, meaning, I will finally have content to place into the Motch Watch section (which is currently hidden). Also, Mike Glow (t1.5 extraordinare) has decided to take on moderator/super admin of "The Source Forum" soon to be The Mana Drain of 1.5. I'm moderating the t2 forum.. sooo.. yeah, discuss and stuff.
--Jeff
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10/16/03
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AP Chemistry. It's a completely and utterly fun class, the only problem is the labs. So, basically, I spend 6+ hours on each lab report, they're over 8 pages each on Legal sized paper with background sections taking up a full page (and still missing content), and then when I get the labs back, I get poor grades on it (like everyone else.) The labs are so completely and utterly vicious, and they're a billion times more in depth than the other teachers of AP Chem request (i've looked at lab books with the same labs.)
Anyways, that was a bloody random peer into Jeff's life. Anyways, a good reason to take AP Chem is if you don't have enough Cs on your transcript.
Until later...
--Jeff
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October 14, 2003
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Put up the oft-belated Mirrodin Prerelease article. It shows plenty of signs of my laziness while conspiring to finish the article in the past 20 minutes.
--Jason
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October 12th, 2003
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Wow.. Been a long eon since any updates have gone down. So, anyways, I'm now strongly advocating the awesomeness of Starcontrol II as it is getting close to the final stages of its release (The Urquan Masters, of Course). Anywho, if you're on 56k or something and don't care to DL it from the sourceforge site Here, you should most deffinetly download this awesome remix of Pkunk goodness.
Download Now, Bizzitch!
--Jeff
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No idea, October Something
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So, I've done some minor updates to the site and wrote an article for Motchkavitz Specifically. Oh yeah, I made an advertisement indicating the upcoming Motch Watch.
--Jeff
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October 3rd, 2003
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Natale, don't make me program some sort of special editor correction ability for news posts. Believe me, I WILL if you continue to mispell everything viciously and you're not I. As for Bass, I shall see his articles before they appear on the site. NO WORRIES.
The Motch Watch Will be up shortly. This will be a center devoted to monitoring Matt Motchkovitz III, local attactix scrub/pro and his success throughout the magic world. OH, you CAN NOT WAIT!
--Jeff
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October 3rd, 2003
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Bass deserves to die for his fishiness, and the fact that shares cards with Greg.
--Andrew
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10-4-03
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You're letting Bass write articles? I hope you think twice before adding another scrubrageous magic scrub to this site. We've got enough already! 4! That's too many!
--Jason
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October 2nd, Maybe, 2003
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So, I added random updates to staff section. Christopher Bass apparently thinks my site is the R0X and now wants to write for it. Damn n00bs!
--Jeff X: This time Jason is dead
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September AD
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*raises hand*
--Jason X: This Time it's Personal
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Sometime
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Anyone wanna kill me?
--Jeff
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September 27th, 2003
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Natale has apparently released a Mirrodin Tournie report. I guess it be time I add him to the staff page. Unfortunately, his writing isn't that great, and the formatting is either screwed up because he didn't double enter, or didn't realize that paragraph breaks are good things. Deffinetly one of the two.
Well, I'm off to derek's birthday bash in not too long. I imagine that'll be one hell of a blast, despite the lack of mirrodin drafting as Derek foolishly forgot to pre-order via Ebay, Starcity, Strikezone Online, Cardshark, Alpha Beta Unlimited, or any of the other thousands of online retailers that have been selling them for over a week at under $80 with shipping. BAD BOY DEREK!
--Jeff
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September 27, 2003
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HA! I beat Jason to it. Read MY prerelease report and be enlightened.
--Andrew
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September 24, 2003
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For those 2.5376 people out there who have ever seen this site and are currently reading this newspost, I realize that I haven't made a new post in a week or two. I promise that there's a prerelease report coming soon. You hear that? ~PROMISE~
--Jason
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September 18th, 2003
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My long expected PHP-NUKE article has been posted. May it enlighten you to the ways of the devil. Oh yeah, it is much longer than my norm.
--Jeff
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Some time in the 20th century.
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8:30 AM
--Jeff
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September 17, 2003
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Shihan? Giddy? ...what the fuck are you talking about?
--Jason
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September 17th, 2003
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Shihan is a giddie bastard. He has a vicious cold!
--Jeff
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September 16th, 2003
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Indeed, Derek does rock. He is the foxiest rocker in all the lands. Thus, I have writen him a limerick (they are harder than haikus.)
He towers many and is dwarfed by none
He sleeps all day far beneath the sun.
At night he comes out to play.
His thoughts dwell not on day.
The Derek is really loads of fun!
Thus, a limeric. Happy Birthday!
--Jeff
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September 15, 2003
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Happy birthday to Derek Zimmer, who happens to be awesome.
--Jason
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September 9th, 2003
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evil evil evil math test tomorrow. Death.
--Jeff
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September 6, 2003
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So, I added a tournament report from yesterday's excursion to Collector Mania. This is a rough copy; I plan on changing a few things in the future, and I'm sure you won't care.
--Jason Moses
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September 6th, 2003
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So, I did some major updates to the site. I added the Advertisement section, the Search section, and updated the News to display an X number of posts.
--Jeff
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September 5th, 2003
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The banner says it all.
Look for an article, eventually, on why PHP Nuke sucks. The banner may not be enough for some of you.
--Jeff
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September 5th, 2003
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I'm randomly in my room with david. YAY! Of course, he likes to be called "Dave." We all know that if he were to be called "Dave", then, well, of course he would be located in a space ship orbiting above some obscure place in outer space. Also, within this space ship would be located a "Super Computer" which would then sing weird songs to him such as, "Daisy"
Daisssseyyyy Daiseyyyyy
--Jeff
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September 4th, 2003
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So, I was rather amused by the conversation that I so recently had with young natal. The conversation went something along the lines of.
xspin8797: Mr. McRibbits will rape you!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GreenMycon: d00d
GreenMycon: no
GreenMycon: www.goatse.cx rapes you
xspin8797: what is that site?
GreenMycon: it pwnzes you
GreenMycon: it does.
xspin8797: do you know what mr mcribbits is?
GreenMycon: nope
GreenMycon: should I?
xspin8797: if you did you would run screaming
GreenMycon: would I?
GreenMycon: I bet the site I linked is scarier!
GreenMycon: as it pwnzes natals!
GreenMycon: PWNZES you
After a few more seconds, young natal broke.
xspin8797: you sick bastard!!!
you sick bastard!!!
you sick bastard!!!
you sick bastard!!!
you sick bastard!!!
you sick bastard!!!
you sick bastard!!!
you sick bastard!!!
you sick bastard!!!
you sick bastard!!!
you sick bastard!!!
you sick bastard!!!
you sick bastard!!!y
ou sick bastard!!!
Shortly afterwards, natals was better because he visited Grexin Studios. YAY!
--Jeff
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September 3rd, 2003
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Ok, I fixed some problems I had with the recent Milk article. That's the explanation in case you're wondering why the php lists the article submission date as September 3rd while the article itself is still from the 2nd. Enjoy^2.
--Jason
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September 2nd, 2003
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Oh, I'm excited Jeff. So excited that I wrote a mini article about a similar topic: That of the expensive but oh so delicious vanilla milk.
--Jason
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September 2nd, 2003
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I put up a new article. Be excited! Seriously, be excited!
--Jeff
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September 1st, 2003
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Ok, I added a 'review', which is just a synonym for me ranting about how much GameFAQS sucks. Enjoy.
--Jason
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August 31, 2003
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Jason joined the "staff". That means.. well... nothing. So, I guess he may bless us with his presences. Or he won't. Either way, it's all good.
So, I formatted my computer a few times. And unfortunetly, my windows 2000 CD is dead, or something, and I was unable to go back over to 2k, and thus, I am on XP. OH GOD!
--Jeff
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8/30/03
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Testing. This is Jason, he who is now posting news and reviews for this website of Jeff's. Expect more in the future. For all I know I'll simply augment this news post to make it longer and such.
--Jason
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August 28th, 2003
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Friday is tomorrow. W00t. So, I pwned up that math test which I thought I failed, but, whatever.
Now I'm chilling and waiting for my wi-fi to go back up. How fun and exciting!
--Jeff
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